The Park Bench

This park bench would not appear to have a maginficent story of any kind.

It's once protected and gleaming wood now carries grey hues reflecting its years of service.

For years, it has offered a place for the tired to sit or the nervous to hide or the reflective souls to watch as others passed by.

This park bench would not appear to be any different than the others nearby.

Why then do the wooden slats seem to resonate energy as I sit upon its bench?

An energy so intense it envelopes my senses; allowing me to smell the faint scent of mint soap - and feel the warmth of the sun on my back.

The backrest curves around my shoulders - enveloping them the way a lover would.

Closing my eyes I allow myself to be transported and remember snippets of a life so far removed from my present state it causes me to ponder if it happened at all-

Casual strolls by the water;

Locking eyes for the first time with someone that I am certain I've known for lifetimes before this one;

Embraces that were deep enough to fill my soul, but too short - and too few;

Candlelight dancing on eyes so blue they were certainly crafted with water from the expansive ocean that sat between us;

Sitting on a park bench and asking, "Would you like to kiss me?"

I can affirm that time travel is possible because whenever I sit on this park bench -

I am 28 again and it is barely spring.

I am wearing my favorite tank top and probably should have done more with my hair and definitely should have brought a sweater.

I am wearing honeysuckle scented lotion and flavored chapstick.

I am giddy and fearful and foolishly happy.

I am falling in love with the way the crease in the small of his back feels and the way his eyes are memorizing my face as we talk.

I am 28 and I am driving in circles, but holding hands with someone who makes me feel like I will never be lost again.

I am looking in the rearview mirror as I leave the airport knowing I may never feel kisses so tender or feel so very understood again.

As I drive away, I see him standing there. Watching me leave.

I am 28 and nervously reach for my necklace and with a warm heart remember that I pressed it into the palm of his hands; binding its meaning into the seams of his hands with a kiss.

This park bench that seems unlike any other park bench has held me countless times over the last 7 years as I have wept, written love letters that I could never send, and screamed my heartache into the void.

Life is different now.

My mind is calm.
I no longer fear the darkness.
I can look at the length of my life and know it will be long and healthy and meaningful.
I can be a whole person for my beautiful children as they grow.
I am thankful for my calm mind and those who helped me find my way here.


I am thankful.

I am thankful that the city surplussed the old wooden park benches and replaced them with benches made of engineered materials.

I am thankful that the manager of the business near my park bench sent me a message and let me know.

I am thankful that he ducked underneath it and wrote "Lucy's Bench" in pencil near the right front leg so I could find it.

I am thankful that I wasn't broke the week of the auction.

I am thankful that a complete stranger helped me load it into a borrowed truck.

I am thankful that now on days when I find my heart clawing its way to the past; To transport me to a time that seems so far away - I no longer fight it.

I simply walk out my front door, sit on my park bench and allow myself to feel 28 again.